My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
