So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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