apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
