why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
