big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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