Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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