susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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