he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
