would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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