She's like a pop up book from hell.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
