i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
