cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
