I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
