I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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