so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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