I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
