is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
