In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
