dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
