Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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