I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
