hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
