She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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