You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
