I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
