these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
