Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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