I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
