I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
