He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
