I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
