I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
