I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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