Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
