oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
