We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
