She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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