Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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