Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
