dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
