I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
