You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
