You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
