I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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