Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
