You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
