Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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