Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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