I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
