mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
