Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
