You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
