We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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