I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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