Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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