Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
