I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
