This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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