When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I want her autograph on my taint
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
