Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
