If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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