I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
