told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
