if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You need Xanax blowdarts
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
