He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
